


The Last Letter

by doctorthatwrites



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: First Try, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, I'm sorry this is so bad attempt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Depression, doctor/doctor relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:54:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22972870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorthatwrites/pseuds/doctorthatwrites
Summary: There is nothing more left worth fighting for. Or so, Sehun thought.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Kudos: 22





	The Last Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote a short drabble as a medium to let out all the bottled feelings inside. I'm sorry this fic happened. Severely unbeta'ed.

_“Drown in sadness, drunken with emotions, intoxicated by my own thoughts. And this was never who I was, at least that’s what I thought. I am losing my grip and this is, for the love of God, not me._

_I’ve been waking up everyday looking for something good to look forward to, to keep me going. But lately I couldn’t find anything to hold onto, everything was shattered. Nothing gives me euphoria, satisfaction, let alone happiness anymore. I never find it so tiring before to even waking up to the sound of my alarm, reminding me that here’s another day to put up the fake happy mask._

_My job was to treat people and yet I was the one who is suffering inside. Oh the irony. Just because it doesn’t apparent physically doesn’t mean I’m not dead inside. I thought talking to people I barely know will give some fresh air but I do realize there was no meaning to all the conversations—dullness. It’s suffocating._

_Yes, I reached this point where I was bothered by the slightest thing._

_I am annoyed when the kid from the other day came to me saying thank you, with a happy smile on her face, eventhough she has that lifelong oxygen supplementation on her, because all I did for her was buying her sometimes before she succumbed to the goddamn bronchiectasis, so what is exactly to thank for that?_

_Or that mother of two, who lost one of her twins, her firstborn because his (or is it a her I can’t recall anymore) lungs ain’t matured enough to pull through passed even before getting his first mother’s loving touch? What is her business to find me and saying she owed me her life for saving his other twin baby?_

_I am mad because there are so many more who are less fortunate people than me and yet they still can manage to fix their day and find something to be grateful at._

_And that’s where I know I have no reason to fight for, anymore._

_But there is one, a person who is definitely the most beautiful thing I admired, though just from afar._

_Kim Junmyeon._

_Junmyeon… he was-- is the reason I still gather my thoughts and keep me in spirit to wake up in the morning. Just to see him and his sweet smile whenever he greeted those patients under his care. That stupidly cute face he made when the child cried, I cherished that like the back of my hand. The way he is always polite to his colleagues and other staffs. He is tired yet toughen it up because for him it’s always his patients over his life, even._

_The small encounters we had on daily basis, the usual one for him yet precious to me. His random comments he made at me when I wear a nice pastel colour shirt, his words, not mine—and his smile while at that, I wish I can visualize my memories so I can repeatedly play such memories before my eyes._

_He is always the one that motivates me, made me learn of things I never dreamed of doing, even when he was still my senior in high school. I joined that boring pidato club at school just to hear his insight, to learn what interest him so bad in such nerd stuff._

_And that’s where I know medicine was his muse. Without me knowing, it suddenly become mine too._

_Years later, here we are, working colleagues, he remains the humble senior I used to know years before. And he still has zero idea on my feelings for him. Probably best we keep it that way. Not that anything can change at this point, anyway._

_To whom who might unluckily stumbled upon this letter, I pray that you won’t know the mess that I am but I guess it’s too late now. I don’t expect you to involve but, if you could do me this one favour—on my behalf, please pay a visit on my parent’s memorials and maybe, if it’s not too much to ask, a bouquet or two would be nice. Tell them I was sorry, that I was a little too late to save them from such tragedy._

_And tell them I’ll see them soon._

_So long, to you, I pray that you have a strong will that keeps you going._

_Don’t take this road I took._

_I’ll pray for you._

_The one who promised that he tried,_

_Sehun.”_

“Junmyeon, if you don’t act now, you might lose him for real, wake up!” Baekhyun half-yelled, striking Junmyeon back to reality. A tear dropped on that last letter Sehun left on his desk. Happened to be found by Baekhyun, the other intern in that Paediatric department.

“Run, Junmyeon. You know him best, find him. I get it Sehun is in love but I never realize that he is blind to your feelings for him as well” Baekhyun continued his nagging.

Only to get no replies in return as Junmyeon sped up. As what Baekhyun thought, Junmyeon indeed have something in mind where to find Sehun.

And he never prayed that hard before, that he is not too late.

* * * * *

Standing on the edge of that 25-storey building, his vision is blurred by his own grieving tears, partially “please save me” kind of tears. He is determined to take the last step of his 27 years of life and end it once and for all—

“Sehun, NO!”

_But there is one, a person who is definitely the most beautiful thing I admired, though just from afar._

“Sehun get off from there and don’t you even think of doing that!”

Sehun was in awestruck. This is not real, until he brought himself to look at the direction of the (soothing, sound to his ears) voice.

“J-Junmyeon?”

_He is always the one that motivates me, made me learn of things I never dreamed of doing._

“Don’t you junmyeon me until you get off from there, Oh Sehun what were you thinking?!” Junmyeon half shouted with all his might as he went near to the taller man in front of him.

Junmyeon lend his hand out to reach for Sehun’s, though it took a good 5 minutes for Sehun to register what was happening in his reality.

When Sehun got off from that edge Junmyeon pulled him into his embrace as if he was the one whose life is at stake, leaving Sehun speechless.

“What has gotten into you, why makes you to choose the dead end?! Answer me, Oh Sehun”, safe to say, Junmyeon himself was at the verge of tears at this point.

“S—s-sunbae, how did you find me…”

“Because I knew you like the back of my hand too, stupid”

Sehun unknowingly tightened the hug and cried his heart out, let it all out in his lifelong first love, too overwhelmed to ask further questions and chose to live in the moment instead, in the state of disbelief.

* * * * *

Almost one year later, since the day Junmyeon saved him on that one melancholic evening of April on the rooftop which is all-time Sehun’s go-to place.

What happened since then?

Sehun is currently taking unpaid leave, to an undated date, yet and is under professional help to optimize his mental health state. He is compliant to the therapy he is on but maybe will take him some times until he could regain his will to continue working as an intern.

Junmyeon is doing well, as he always does. He is in the midst of completing his post-grad studies and he found his home in Paediatrics, what did he see in those cuties babies and kids, Sehun would never ever could explain.

Are they a pair? The answer is yes. It turns out that Junmyeon has been keeping his feelings for Sehun for the longest time. Maybe they were blind to each other’s feelings before but that chapter has long closed. Feelings conveyed, love sails and a relationship afloat, hopefully for the longest time.

It was a lazy Saturday morning when the lovebirds lazily cuddling on the bed, not thinking of leaving the skinships anytime soon. When silence struck, Sehun quietly admiring the sight he beholds; Kim Junmyeon, Sehun’s ultimate muse, number one driving force. And with that, sealed with a thankful, gratitude, loving kiss on Junmyeon’s upper lips, he made a promised deep within—

Life is worth trying, after all.


End file.
